Let me begin by saying that marriage is noble, honorable, and beautiful. It is biblical. It is foundational to functioning societies. God created marriage and loves it. The very concept of marriage is reflective of His plan of redemption for us: Jesus, the bridegroom, coming for and uniting with His bride, the Church.

But the concept was never the point. That is, when we, the Church, prioritize marriage over complete love and obedience to God, we miss the point (Christ Himself) and accidentally create an idol.

In the young, Christian conservative movement right now, the popular mantra is, “Just get married!” And that’s great! If it is the Lord’s will for you to get married to a specific person He’s placed in your life, at a specific time. If building a family is how He’s calling you to build His Kingdom in this season, then yes! Get married. That’s beautiful.

The reality is that this rally cry, “Just get married!” often echoes through rooms full of young, Christian women who desperately want to get married. The message may be novel or challenging in secular spaces, but you don’t have to tell most Christian women twice–that’s all they want.

And that’s the problem. 

I interact with many, many Christian women ages 18-35 (more or less) who want nothing more than to get married. 

But I want them to want so much more than that: I want them to want to serve God, wholeheartedly, wherever He has them. Married or not married, I want them to be desperate to be at the feet of Jesus; not desperate for a husband.

If that seems simple, unfortunately, it’s not. All my life, I’ve been subliminally taught in Christian circles that the highest good I can achieve as a Christian woman is to be a wife and mother–again, both very beautiful, godly roles.

But when marriage became the chief aim of my life, I lost sight of Jesus.

I was so focused on marriage that I forgot to focus on my Savior in whatever He had for me–and my life might have looked very different if He hadn’t rescued me from my own desire that, when prioritized over Him, were beautiful dreams I had let become ugly idols.

As a 25-year-old who grew up in the church, my game plan from a very early age was to graduate high school, graduate college, get married to my high school sweetheart, have babies, get a dog, a house, and voilà! The American Dream. I would finally be fulfilled then, just like they said.

It was a good plan. But it wasn’t God’s plan for my life–not just like that, anyway.

At the end of 2020, God redirected the trajectory of my entire life, calling me into ministry at the intersection of faith, culture, and politics (what became my life’s work at Counteract USA), and subsequently called me to break up with my high school sweetheart of five and a half years–a nice, Christian guy.

It was unfathomable, and I didn’t want to do it. As a 20-year-old Christian woman I thought I was throwing everything away if I broke up with the guy I planned to marry. I was (and am) so young, but it really felt like the end of the world.

I made every excuse I could to God. I bargained. I pleaded. I wanted to be married. I knew God was calling me into this ministry of faith, culture, and politics, and I realized that my boyfriend wasn’t called into that same ministry… But I wanted both. To have my cake and eat it, too.

But I learned the hard way that when you’re called to Nineveh, you can only sail on ships to Tarsus for so long before things really get miserable and you have to abandon ship.

So I abandoned ship. I surrendered: I broke up with my boyfriend, switched my major, and entered into 2021 with a completely blank slate. I was in a “Here I am, Lord. Send me” season.

And it was in this season that God began to inaugurate me into my calling. When I surrendered (painfully, and through many, many tears) my relationship with my boyfriend to the Lord, my focus reoriented on Him, and I was able to discern that He was calling me to equip my generation of Christians to apply Biblical truth to cultural and political conversations.

Six months after my breakup, God gave me the vision for the ministry that has become my passion, and Counteract USA was born.

Nearly five years later, I have witnessed countless miracles, where God has emboldened a Gen Z Christian in their faith, called a believer to get involved in politics, or encouraged a young adult to share the gospel at their local coffee shop through this ministry. It’s humbling. I am in awe of the Holy Spirit’s work.

And I know I wouldn’t have the front row seat to this that I do today if I had “just” married my high school sweetheart.

I’m 25 now. And I hope to be married one day–but I want to marry someone I’m on-mission with, whether my mission continues to Counteract USA or my home becomes my mission field.

In my admittedly limited experience, the Lord has taught me that as much as I value the gift of marriage and family, I must be vigilant to ensure that I am rightly ordering my affections, seeking the will of God over even my most righteous desires.

Marriage is beautiful, but it isn’t everything. 

I want to want Jesus over everything, and encourage others to do the same–because He is all in all. He is everything.